So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
