I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
