I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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