I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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