Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
