So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
