Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
