remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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