sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
