so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
