If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize