I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
