pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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