i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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