This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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