Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
