did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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