i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize