True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
