It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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