i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
