Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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