I showed him my bush... on skype.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
