Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
