Tell her she can't have a vagina
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
