This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
