your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
