i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
