Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
