I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
