i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
