Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize