You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
