put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
