You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
