my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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