The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
