this beer tastes like vomit already
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
