She is in my trunk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize