i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
