Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize