You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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