Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
