atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
