so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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