I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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