Please, let me fuck your mom
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
