Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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