Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
