Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i love accidental penises.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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