census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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