I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
