I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
