No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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