As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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