I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
