theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
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