yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
