nut hugger
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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