I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
