3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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