Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
