I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
