Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
