Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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