dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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