That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
